All Baa Herself
by SpookyDJ
Summary: Every day, Sans goes to the door in Snowdin forest and tells jokes. And every day, an old lady laughs at them and tells her own. It's a thing now. It rules. But one day, Sans isn't able to go, so Papyrus gets to talk to her instead.


**Yo hey dude. This isn't my finest work, and I really didn't expect it to be, but that's why I wrote this and not something else instead. I planned for it. I don't want to write things I want to be kinda decent when I'm like this, and while I don't want this to be bad, I don't mind that it is. It wasn't gonna be good anyway. But yeah, I've been sick for two weeks, muddling through infections and such. I'm tired all the time, can't think, not sleeping well, that whole thing. And I wrote this across two trips for ice cream, while eating lunch the other day while I was out, and then the rest of it I blasted through while laying in bed in the middle of the night because sleep wasn't happening. I've actually been working on this in particular for two weeks, and I don't know where I was going with this. Basically, it's just impressive I wrote anything at all, I guess. I'm still sick. I'm just a simple meme farmer please leave me be**

 **At the same time, though, I don't write things I don't want to write, you know? So like, I threw this out there as a dumb thing I wrote while I was sick because I wanted to write but I couldn't write well, but that doesn't mean I don't...care, or that I don't like the subject or whatever. I absolutely care, and everything I write I like at its basic level, just not when I write this. I like this idea. I love this idea. I just hate the execution. I always hate the execution when I do it.**

 **Basically, like, everyone's all hung up on Sans and Toriel being friends (or more in a lot of cases, but get your soriel out of here) and stuff, right? They met before the events of Undertale, and they're great friends, and that's great. And the game implies she didn't meet anyone else in a similar way during that time, and she just talked to Sans and stuff. And they have their puns and they're good friends and stuff. But I just...really want Papyrus and Toriel to be friends, too. I mean, they are, in post Pacifist. But like, I want them to meet before Undertale, too. To talk and become good friends and stuff. Because I have no doubt in my mind that they wouldn't be. They have so much in common, beyond their love for Frisk. They're both kind and caring souls, they both enjoy cooking, they both like puzzles quite a bit. They could be such great friends, man. I'm just tired of Sans and Toriel give me the Toriel and Papyrus friendship instead. Cooking together, discussing puzzles, bonding over how much they care about people and whatever. Do it.**

 **I'm still sick if you couldn't tell dude I'm so tired**

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Far and deep in the forest of Snowdin, there is a door. This door leads to the Ruins, where monsters originally settled after being banished Underground. These days, not very many monsters lived there, as far as anyone knew. No one could say for certain, though. The door to the Ruins had been sealed long ago, before living memory. No one went in, and no one came out. No monster had any idea who lived in the Ruins, how many lived there, what it was like. Except for one.

When Sans originally ran into the door to the Ruins, he only had one thing on his mind: knock knock jokes. He wasn't really all that interested in anything beyond it. The interest only came when someone behind the door heard his jokes, and responded. Visiting the door and the old lady behind it, trading jokes and just talking, became a regular thing. It practically became an everyday routine. until one day, when someone else visited the door instead.

Papyrus had heard all about this door and the company just beyond, of course. Few things made his brother happier lately, and he cared deeply for his brother. If something made Sans happy, he loved to hear about it. But he never went to the door himself before. As nice as the lady seemed, he wasn't a fan of Sans' jokes, and she had no shortage of them herself from what he'd heard. Sans was happy, yes, but the less jokes Papyrus was around for, the better. He didn't mind staying away.

Today, however, was different. He had a mission.

So for the first time, he trekked to the forest's outskirts, farther out than most monsters usually went. And he saw it. The entrance to the Ruins, as sealed as ever. This was where Sans' friend was. Though, on this day, she'd have to talk to someone else instead. He hoped she wouldn't mind.

...Of course, he wasn't nervous! The Great Papyrus, nervous? No, this was simply laughable. He was great at making friends, this would be no trouble at all. They would get along great, and his friend count would increase, as it did often. There was no reason to be nervous!

But if he were nervous, that would be fine, too. It would only be understandable, after all; making a new friend was always daunting, and rather unpredictable at times. It wasa hard to tell exactly how this would go.

Yet this was all besides the point. The Great Papyrus wasn't nervous, and this was final.

He slowly approached the door, wondering what he should do. Should he call out a greeting? Check to see if someone was there? Sans usually started off by knocking on the door, from what Papyrus had heard, so perhaps this was the best course of action. His hand hung in the air, hesitating before knocking on the door at what was probably a reasonable volume.

"Who's there?" called out a voice. Papyrus was relieved to hear someone was there. This was the right door, and the right time to approach it. Not that he'd been worried about these things, of course.

She sounded just like how Sans had described. Her voice was warm, welcoming, and helped put him at ease. He immediately got the impression she was very kind, which he was thankful for. Surely she wouldn't mind too much that she had a different visitor than usual. He sighed, and gave his answer.

"...I DON'T HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU. THAT'S MY BROTHER'S THING, NOT MINE. I'M SORRY. HE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TODAY. HE'S OUT WORKING IN HOTLAND, WHICH IS THE JOB HE TAKES THE MOST SERIOUSLY FOR SOME REASON. BUT THAT'S NOT WHY HE'S NOT HERE. THEY'RE CRACKING DOWN ON OUR BREAKS, SO HE CAN'T GET AWAY TO COME OUT HERE AS EASILY. I'M SORRY, HE REALLY WISHES HE COULD BE HERE."

"Oh!" She sounded a bit surprised, but not upset. "That is okay. I can't say that this is a hue shock. He certainly seems to take many breaks from work, from what I've heard. I just didn't think it would be so sudden."

"NEITHER DID I." Papyrus felt himself relax. She didn't seem to mind much at all, which was good. Sans must have good taste in friends. There was probably no reason to have been worried at all, which was good, because he wasn't. "IT TOOK US ALL BY SURPRISE. BUT WORRY NOT! MY BROTHER DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE LONELY, AND I ALMOST NEVER HAVE TO USE MY OWN BREAKS. SO HE SENT ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, TO KEEP YOU COMPANY IN HIS PLACE! JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO MAKE ANY JOKES." He rolled his eyes just thinking about it. "I'M NOT THAT FOND OF HIS PUNS MYSELF."

She laughed. "That's quite alright, I don't mind. I appreciate that you came. The Ruins do get a bit lonely at times."

Truthfully, Sans had never asked him to come. Not that he didn't care if the lady had company, he certainly did. But Papyrus usually kept himself so busy that Sans hadn't even given it a thought. The idea had been completely Papyrus'; he, unlike Sans, could afford to take an extra break for once. It was more than worth it for someone who had been such a good friend to Sans. But he didn't mind giving Sans the credit. After all, she was Sans' friend, not his own.

"So you're Papyrus," the lady noted. "Your brother talks about you a lot. It is nice to finally meet you. Though I'm afraid I cannot introduce myself in return. It may seem rude, but your brother and I agreed not to exchange names until we can meet face to face. I hope you do not mind."

"OF COURSE NOT! I WOULD HATE TO MAKE YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISE, EVEN IF INDIRECTLY." Papyrus frowned, leaning against the door. "DOES HE REALLY TALK TO YOU ABOUT ME?"

"All the time," she told him. "I can tell you're very important to him. You keep his best interests at heart, and he does the same for you. You each take care of the other, and I'm very glad you both have each other."

"WOWIE, I HAD NOT IDEA." Papyrus let out a tiny laugh. "I THOUGHT YOU TWO JUST TOLD JOKES TO EACH OTHER THE WHOLE TIME. BUT IT'S DEFINITELY TRUE. WE GET ON EACH OTHER'S NERVES A LOT, BUT THERE'S NO BROTHER I'D RATHER HAVE."

"Of course. All siblings fight sometimes, but they're always there when you need them," she agreed.

"MA'AM..." A question began to form in Papyrus' mind. "DO YOU...HAVE A FAMILY ON THAT SIDE OF THE DOOR, TOO? YOU'RE NOT ALONE, ARE YOU?"

She sounded a bit taken aback. "Me? My family is the reason I am here. I just couldn't...stay, after what had happened. Forgive me, I don't want to discus it further, but...there are other monsters in the Ruins, yes, but I have lived most of my time here without company."

"WHAT?! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!" He jumped up and put a hand against the door. "I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO BE BY YOURSELF. YOU NEED FRIENDS, COMPANY, AND FAMILY!" He pulled and pushed trying any way he could to open the door. "I WILL HAVE TO OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY. YOU SHOULD COME STAY WITH MY BROTHER AND I, OR WE CAN COME VISIT YOU! THAT WAY YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE, AND MY BROTHER AND I WILL BE THE GREATEST FRIENDS TO YOU!"

"Papyrus, please, hold on." She laughed quietly. Papyrus remembered Sans describing her laugh before, saying it sounded like his jokes were the best she'd heard in a century. It had seemed like an exaggeration, but for all Papyrus knew, perhaps it was true. "My family does not live with me here, but it is alright. I am fine, being alone, at least for now. I do have your brother and yourself on the other side of the door for company, after all. But..." She sighed. "I cannot leave the Ruins, and the door can only be opened from my side. And if I ever do need company, or someone to stay with me, your brother has said he is willing to come visit, if I ever change my mind. And you can as well, of course. Your home is out there, and I wouldn't make you stay, but I promise that you can come visit sometime if I get too lonely, alright?"

Papyrus tried for a few more minutes to open the door from his side, but it was all in vain. Eventually, he gave up and sat next to the door. "ALRIGHT. I SUPPOSE THAT WILL HAVE TO DO, FOR NOW. BUT WHEN YOU DO NEED THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HE WILL CERTAINLY BE HERE. YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT!"

She laughed again. "I know. And I am glad. Thank you, Papyrus."

"YOU'RE MOST WELCOME!"

"And I appreciate your company, truly. It really is nice having someone to talk to," she told him. "I just hope it wasn't too much trouble for you to come out here."

"NOT AT ALL!" he assured her. "I NEEDED TO COME OUT HERE ANYWAY, TO RECALIBRATE SOME OF SNOWDIN'S PUZZLES. BUT EVEN IF I DIDN'T, IT WOULD BE NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"

"Puzzles..." the lady trailed off, perhaps in thought. "Do you enjoy puzzles, Papyrus? Or is taking care of puzzles simply something your job?"

Papyrus grinned. "I LOVE PUZZLES! THEY'RE ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF MY DAY! I ALWAYS MAKE SURE THEY'RE RECALIBRATED ONCE A WEEK, AND SOMETIMES THEY EVEN GET SO HARD I CAN'T SOLVE THEM! IT'S GREAT!"

"Well, that's certainly one thing we have in common," she said. "I don't know about recalibrating, but I do enjoy puzzles, even if I've done them before."

"AS DO I!" he agreed. "IT CAN BE DIFFICLT TO FIND A FELLOW PUZZLE LOVER THESE DAYS, THOUGH. BUT THAT ONLY MAKES FINDING THEM BETTER, ESPECIALLY IN UNEXPECTED PLACES! I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D BOTH SHARE SOMETHING LIKE THAT."

"Perhaps we have even more in common than you think," she suggested. "Your brother has told me you recently started cooking lessons."

"HE HAS TOLD YOU CORRECTLY! NOT TOO LONG AGO I STARTED TRAINING TO BE A FAMOUS SPAGHETTOIRE. AND I IMPROVE SO MUCH WITH EACH LESSON!" he told her. "UNDYNE THINKS THAT ONE DAY I COULD EVEN MAKE SPAGHETTI BETTER THAN HER'S, AND SHE'S THE GREATEST CHEF I KNOW! THOUGH, OF COURSE, SHE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH COMPETITION. BUT DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT."

She laughed again. He found himself wondering if she was smiling on the other side of the door, and hoped she was. "That's wonderful! I enjoy it quite a bit myself. I don't make much spaghetti, though, I usually stick to pies. I've even tried to convince your brother to try it, but I haven't had much luck."

"YES, MY BROTHER DOESN'T CARE MUCH FOR MAKING HIS OWN FOOD...HE USUALLY EATS OUT INSTEAD," Papyrus grumbled. Then he had an idea, and his eyes lit up. "THAT'S IT! NOW WE HAVE TO COME VISIT YOU SOMETIME! YOU CAN TEACH ME TO MAKE PIES, I CAN HELP YOU MAKE SPAGHETTI, AND TOGETHER WE CAN GET MY BROTHER TO COOK...SOMETHING! IT'LL BE PERFECT!"

"It certainly sounds like it," she agreed. "It'll have to be one of the first things we do, when the three of us meet face to face. I will look forward to it."

"AS WILL I! I NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! NOW I DEFINITELY KNOW WHY MY BROTHER ENJOYS YOUR CONVERSATIONS SO MUCH."

The two kept talking, for much longer than that. It was one of the longest breaks Papyrus had ever taken, but he didn't mind. Nor did anyone else, who were all surprised he was taking a break at all. After all, he rarely even stopped to sleep. But just as important to Papyrus as puzzles, spaghetti, and his job as a sentry, was friends. Both keeping up with old ones and making new ones.

And on that day, he made an unexpectedly good friend. It had been no trouble at all, and they got along great.

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 **I don't even know anymore dude i'm so tired...here comes dat rain...oh shit soak up!**


End file.
